I have been reading a lot lately to finish my educational requirements to become a bradley method teacher. Everything I read makes me more excited and reaffirms what we are doing as parents and what we chose for childbirth. It even makes me excited for the next child we have! (Don't tell Ian ;) ). I had an 'aha' moment reading a chapter out of The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, which is the book published by La Leche League, the leader in breastfeeding resources. The whole book is fabulous, and I can honestly say has information that no one talks about; through all my training as a nurse, working in obstetrics and dealing with and learning from Lactation Consultants, they do not provide the same or nearly as thorough advice as La Leche League. I have laughed, cried, and identified with everything in the book...a lot of it contrary to popular parenting advice. I have to admit coming from a medical perspective I shunned the idea of a mother's group about breastfeeding, but after reading the book, I am convinced more, now than ever that mother's have knowledge and experience that all the medical training in the world can't make up for.
Anyway, back to my aha moment. I have blogged about or talked to a lot of people over the last month or so about how Lucy has gotten fussy, needy, opinionated, or whatever you want to call it. I probably have a lot more patience for my own child than anyone else does, and I'm sure other people use different words to describe her, or think I'm spoiling her. This excerpt just warmed my heart and made me cry; I'd like to share it with you in the hopes that you will support other moms and not let them get discouraged.
""Orchids" are high need. They may find many environments overly stimulating, confusing, or scary and they need their mother's soothing presence more than some other babies. These are the babies who can't leave their mother's lap easily, who don't rush over to the other children at nursery school, who maybe can't handle nursery school at an age when other kids can. They wilt if they're yelled at or overstressed, and the blossom with tender care. Just like an orchid. The time you put into a high-energy or high-need baby is never wasted. You're helping him lay down nerve pathways that may land him that PhD when he's older. Do your best to keep him happy so that you're both happier, and know that a little growth and maturation go a long way toward lessening the needs. Respect your little 'orchid' for who he is: a baby who needs you (at first) to help him cope with his reality, and who will ultimately shine or blossom as a result.
"People say I shouldn't pick him up every time he cries:
You might ask them what their concern is. Spoiling? Whether your baby is crying for a physical or emotional need, he isn't trying to "get his way" or control you; he's just asking for help because he can't help himself. He's like a visitor on a strange planet- he doesn't speak the language, the gravity is too strong for him to be able to move around on his and he's disoriented from the trip. He needs you to respond quickly and reliably when he tells you he needs help. This builds trust in you, confidence in the world, and lifetime resiliency, and it wires his brain to cope with stress positively. Ultimately, this makes him able to be secure and independent sooner than if he had to manage all on his own. We've learned a whole lot about infant biology, neurology and physiology since the days of "don't spoil the baby". Lauren Porter, a child development specialist in New Zealand, points out that babies spend their early years laying down many, many nerve pathways. Some pathways result in anxiety an stress, and some result in confidence and coping. Research indicates that the way a mother responds to her baby greatly influences whether her child will respond automatically with calm or stress to the world around him as he matures. Refusing to answer his cries for help lays down "no one cares" pathways, decreasing his trust; making him feel neglected, hopeless, and despairing; decreasing his feelings of self-worth; and wiring his brain to react to future stresses more intensely. The children raised on old "exercise their lungs, let them cry it out, teach them independence from the start: methods can become adults experiencing high rates of anxiety, low self0esteem, and stress0related illness. But you already know that ignoring your crying baby doesn't feel right. Mothers are hardwired to respond because its Nature's design to keep babies protected, cared for, and thriving. No, you can't spoil your baby by responding to his needs. It's not possible at this age. What you can do by responding quickly and reliably is to help develop the neural pathways in his brain that will make him a secure, resilient person for the rest of his life." ~Excerpt from the Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, p.142-143
All I can say to that is, amen. Finally something that reaffirms my 'motherly instinct' that I've known all along. I love Lucy more than anything I've ever known. I now know what God feels like in His love for us. I know God to be a loving God, not someone that would just let me cry and leave me alone when I have a physical or emotional need that only He can fill.
